Everyone says that little girls need love and acceptance from their daddy in order to love and accept themselves. Yeah I missed out on that experience. A daddy is supposed to protect and cherish his little girl. I didn’t have that either. I grew up in fear and self-doubt. I searched for acceptance in other places only to find betrayal and abuse. To say that I have overcome my childhood is a gross understatement. I would like to think that I am doing ok all things considered. Although some may disagree lol.

We all grow up hearing fairy tales about princes rescuing damsels in distress and living happily ever after. What a lie straight from hell!!!! There are so many things that are wrong with these stories. I wanted to be rescued from the hell I lived in. I wanted someone to rush in on a white horse and take me away from it all. That. Never. Happened.

I grew up with the understanding that even though people treat you like shit, you learn to eat it and you say thank you in the process. Wait! What? I had such little respect for myself that I allowed people to say what they wanted, take what they wanted and treat me the way they wanted.  This included family, in fact I never even considered walking away from family members because, well, they are family. Do you know what the definition of family is? FAMILY: A group of people related to each other.  That’s it. The definition of friend is far more meaningful. FRIEND: A person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard. So you CAN be family and be friends but not all families are friends. I thought just because we were family that I had to accept their behaviour and be happy with it. I don’t. I had an “Aha” moment when I realized that even though I had made excuses for bad behaviour all their lives and had accepted that they are who they are because of their past, that they are in fact responsible for their actions. You can be taught bad behaviour as a child but when you become an adult you make a conscious decision to continue that bad behaviour. You become responsible for your actions but, I can choose to no longer accept that behavior.  I am responsible for my own behaviour and my own actions sooooo I decided to start eliminating negative things from my life. I am responsible for my own happiness and if your behaviour makes me feel like shit, guess what? Now I know that not all families get along all the time, and I know that we should forgive one another and love one another. I am not talking about that. I am talking about a person who absolutely takes joy in your sorrows. I am talking about a person who judges you and can’t wait to tell others all about your mistakes and hard times. A person who can’t wait to say something to hurt your feelings. A person who can’t wait to tell you “no” when you ask for help. A person who kicks you when you are down and takes pure joy in it. A person who always plays the victim even when they have done wrong. They absolutely refuse to take responsibility for their part in any situation. You have watched and listened to them talk about others over the years to such a degree of judgement and loathing only to turn around and pretend they are their best friend and they just don’t know what they would do without them. It is sickening and I simply don’t have time for it. And to all the people who believe their lies, you better watch your back because chances are they are talking about you too. Anyway, enough of that negative crap!!!! 

For some reason I had to live the journey that was laid before me. I survived. I had hard lessons and struggles but I overcame them.  I looked for love in all the wrong places only to realize that love had to come from within. I had to learn to love myself before anyone would find me lovable. I made bad choices but I learned from them.  I wanted to be accepted by other people yet I didn’t accept myself. I learned that if you want to change your circumstances you have to get off your arse and make it happen. So I began eliminating all the bullshit in my life.  Everything from material possessions to people. It has been tough but freeing at the same time.

So as I made the choice to remove negative things and people from my life I had to take a long look at myself. I had to remove the negative things that I was doing. I had to stop talking bad about myself. “I hate my body”, ‘I hate my job”, “I hate my life”. I hate, I hate, I hate. Stop that!!!! If there are things you don’t like – you have the power to change them. You don’t like the way you look in those jeans? Go to the gym. Stop eating cake everyday. Make changes. You don’t like your job? Get a new one. Go back to school. Change your career choices. You have the power.  I was in debt up to my eyeballs. I hated my job. I felt bad all the time because I was not taking care of myself. I pushed and pushed and pushed but not towards things that made a difference. I had the best intentions. I want to do this, no wait I want to do this, Oh wait, what about this. I dipped my toes in a lot of different areas and I was not doing any justice to any of them. So I had to eliminate a lot of things. I took a class, left my job, closed a business and sold my house to pay off all my debt. I needed to start fresh. I needed to make better choices, smart choices. It was a little scary making a drastic career change at this point in my life but I stepped out on faith and God has been faithful to provide every step of the way. I absolutely LOVE what I do and I love my children, I love my grandchildren, I love my friends, I love my family and guess what? I LOVE ME!!!!

Sometimes you just have to stop over thinking and over analyzing things and just be in the moment. Take a look at where you were and where you are now and realize sometimes it doesn’t matter why or how, it just matters that you are here. Learn from your mistakes, make better choices and just breathe. Be the best version of you that you can and love love love.

Hugs and Kisses Peaches!!!!