Well Happy New Year Peaches!!!!

In one sense 2019 flew by so fast it’s almost a blur but January 1st is like a breath of fresh air in our minds, it’s like, OK lets start over! Sort of like Mondays, I know a lot of people dread Mondays but it is the beginning of a NEW week and we should treat it as a day to start something new. Renew our mindset and get out there. Be Fierce! Do Great Things! If we don’t renew our minds we can get stuck in a rut that we sometimes can’t pull ourselves out of. Always push forwards, set your sights on things ahead not the things that have already passed. You can’t go back, you can’t change it. Our mind is our biggest enemy.

It has been a while since I have written. I am sorry for that. My mind though, has been all over the place as I have dealt with the things thrown at me the past year. I found myself trucking right along taking care of all the needs around me and I sort of lost myself in the process. I was thinking of all the things we lose when we make changes in our lives. Good and Bad. I thought of lost relationships and how even though it was important to cut ties with those toxic people that we also lose the ones that are tied to them. Collateral Damage (injury inflicted on something other than the specific target). If you let it, the guilt of that will eat you alive. The overwhelming sadness of what you lost in the process can be debilitating.

How do you justify that? How do you overcome that?

First of all, when it comes to the relationship ties, you have to realize that the real choice is not yours. Toxic people will spew their lies to everyone who will listen and many will believe those lies. And although we want to control that, we simply can’t. As I have said before. You can not control what others think, say or do. It does hurt you deeply but you can’t let it rule you. It most cases the ones who believe the lies were not really your people in the first place. Those relationship ties were not strong enough to withstand the toxic storm. Let it go. You are not responsible for what other people think, say or do. That is totally on them and the collateral damage is their responsibility. And the good loss is far more rewarding.

I was recently talking to a family member and they revealed that someone who they thought was a lifelong friend had indeed spoken very badly of them. This supposed friend had spent many hours with our family. I’m talking years of friendship, holidays, sickness, health, laughter, births, deaths, you name it we went through it with each other. This was painful to hear. The supposed friend is no longer with us on earth. But the betrayal will linger.

I will tell you what I have learned over the years.

Toxic people are not motivated by what’s good for them or for their relationship with you. They’re motivated by their own problems and needs. When you give up the desire to change them, it’s much easier to let them go.

Part of removing toxic people from your life involves reducing their power over your emotions and that requires recognizing that they’re not really seeing you when they’re hurting you.

In truth, they’re projecting onto you the parts of themselves they don’t want to acknowledge or accept so that they can pour all their suppressed self-hatred into attacking you. See their cruel behavior for what it is: a way of avoiding the truth about themselves.

Instead of focusing on the sadness of loss in the severing process we MUST focus on the people in our lives that makes us feel safe, cherished and happy. Those are the relationships that matter, those are the relationships that will stand in the midst of the storms of life.

This past year has also brought loss in other ways. Loss of health. As I was busy caring for the needs of my loved ones I lost myself. I let my needs go. I endured physical pain and instead of getting help I pushed through because naturally other people needed me. I thought: what would they do without me? LOL well they would have managed and although they very much appreciated my care for them they would not have let me sacrifice myself had they known it. I pushed through until the pain was so unbearable that the road to recovery has been longer than necessary. I finally realized I need to take care of my self because: What would they do without me? I am important to those who love me.

And in that thinking it confirmed my decision on the severing of toxic relationships: what would they do without me? They would move on to the next victim because that is what they do. So, Peaches…..let them go. You can’t waste anymore time or energy on things that could have been. Don’t let your life suffer collateral damage because you didn’t do the things necessary to stay healthy and happy.

You are responsible for your thoughts, your words and your actions. Be kind, keep your thoughts on things that make you happy. Put your time and energy into the people that truly matter. And make sure you include yourself !!!!!

Make this year a year of self love. Find happiness in everything you do. Don’t be collateral damage.

Hugs and Kisses!