Hey Peaches!

Holy Moly it is 2022!!!! Life has been good and bad the last few years. We have endured heartache, disappointments, loss but also lots of blessings, love and comfort.

With LIFE there is most definitely DEATH.

Today I want to talk about literal death and spiritual death.

I recently heard a testimony of a couple people I know very well. In fact, one of them is related to me. I really tried to keep an open mind and listen to the words and not look at the human that spoke the words because in doing so I could not hear a message from God. It got me thinking about that very thing. I know God can use anything to deliver HIS message. The bible says He used a burning bush to deliver a message to Moses. Y’all sometimes it is so hard to keep your eyes on Jesus when the message is being delivered by people who you know for a fact are not who they say they are. So, my question is this:

Is the burden on the listener or is the burden on the deliverer? Or does it even matter? Does God deliver His message no matter how un-Godly we are?

Old Testament prophets sometimes began their assignment by announcing “The burden of the Lord” (e.g., Nahum 1:1).  Any pastor who claims not to feel the burden from time to time has been playing at the business of preaching. Well, either that, or delivering someone else’s sermons. Ouch! That truth resonates with my soul because I sat under a “preacher” who in fact delivered someone else’s sermons.

Anyway, back to my story. The people who delivered these particular testimonies are directly linked to this very “preacher”. The testimonies were sweet and seemed genuine, so this “preacher” had to have done something good, right? Of ALL the good things someone does for the kingdom of God, how many bad things does it take to negate the good? Or does it even negate it at all? Here is my story about this situation. This particular “preacher” who is no longer on this earth was the husband and the grandfather of the two testimonies. While he led this young man to the Lord, he also kept him from our family because he disagreed with us on some issues. I’m just really confused as to how you can lead someone to Lord based on forgiveness all the while you are teaching him unforgiveness based on the lies of a scorned woman. These people are also the very reason I do not go to a “church” today. This young man is my brother’s son. My brother and our family have not seen this young man and his brothers and sisters for 11 years based on the lies that were told from this “preacher”, his wife and their daughter (the mother of the children). How could he call himself a man of God, how can they sit in church Sunday after Sunday and claim to be godly people, have people praise them for their godliness or be blessed by God if they are full of hate for our family? Are they reading the same bible I read that talks about forgiveness and repentance? The bible talks about not condemning your brother when there is beam in your eye?

“Why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but fail to notice the beam in your own eye? 42How can you say, ‘Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,’ while you yourself fail to see the beam in your own eye? You hypocrite! First take the beam out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. 43No good tree bears bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit.…”

Hmmmm makes you wonder, doesn’t it? So that is why I ask, who’s burden is it? The deliverer(them) or the receiver(us)?

I have another situation. In one of my past posts, I talked about a bad relationship with a narcissist. I didn’t go into a lot of details because honestly, I was still afraid of the repercussions of speaking about it. I know that even when you live with someone for a long time (12 years), you NEVER really know what is going on inside their head. The only thing you know for sure is what you see in their actions and what you hear in their words. This man was as far from a Godly man as you could get. Oh he pretended to be good in front of people but behind closed doors he was a vile, prejudiced, perverse human being. He talked bad about the people he called “friends”, he spoke of vile things about their children. He lied about so many things I could not even begin to list them. He even did such unforgiving things to his children and granchildren that they completely shut him out of their lives. I really don’t know what lies he told to cover that up. His life completely fell apart when we all stopped believing his lies and kicked him to the curb. It was however a bit harder for me because I was in an abusive relationship with him. I tried for a long time to get him to leave but it was a struggle. Even when he finally left my home he still tried his hardest to get to me. He camped on my property with a shovel, duct tape and a knife in his overnight bag. He stalked me wherever I went. He hired an attorney that represents child molesters and drug dealers. He told so many lies to the court that they believed I was the abuser. He was very good at playing the victim. He talked about and wanted to live off grid for as long as I’ve known him. While we were married, we bought 10 acres on top of a mountain in Montana. Once he left that is where he ended up. During our marriage he stole 1000’s upon 1000’s of dollars from me. He didn’t work for the majority of that time, but I did. He told the court and everyone that would listen that I stole money from him and left him destitute. That I took everything he had but in fact he was the one who took EVERYTHING, loaded it all up in a huge box trailer and an old u-haul truck and hid it away on his parent’s land in West Virginia.

A little background: According to him, he attended a Christian college, and everyone told him he should be a preacher so he went to seminary school and tried to preach a few sermons but quickly found that he was not called by God to preach, but that he only did it because his friends told him he would be good at it. After college he started going to strip clubs and hung out with strippers, in fact his ex-wife was a stripper and a drug addict, which is how he obtained custody of his children. Instead of reading bedtime stories and teaching his children kid songs he took them to rock concerts and taught them lyrics to KISS, ACDC and the like. Now I’m not saying this is right or wrong, I’m telling you this is according to him. He began riding a motorcycle and traveled all over the U.S. He attended numerous motorcycle rallies and totally lived the life of a biker. When I met him, his kids were at his mom and dads for the summer and he completely sucked me in with his “I’m a single dad, doing the best I can with a sorry excuse for a mother (of the kids)”. I was impressed with his ability to raise two children and work a full-time job. Well maybe not “impressed” as much as I did admire the fact since my experience with the father of my children were very different.

I grew up in Church from the time I was in my teens and served in the Church as an adult, so I do consider myself to be somewhat religious but most importantly I am saved, and I am going to heaven when I die. Am I perfect? NO. Do I always do the right thing? NO. But I don’t deliberately try to destroy people. Even though the ex claimed to be a Christian, he called my family “Bible Thumpers” because we prayed before meals, talked about praying for or about a situation that we believed we needed guidance in. BUT he claimed to be an expert in the Bible. Are you as confused as I am? Let me tell you what came to light and maybe you can see it a little more clearly.

Once he started to reveal his thoughts and beliefs to me openly, I began to see the light. I began to see that he was actually crazy. I knew that I had to get this man out of my life before it was too late. One day he told me this story:

“I had a word from God today. He spoke to me in a clear audible voice, and He gave me a job to do. He told me that I was in charge of a great army and there was going to be a great battle and that I would be the one making decisions about who would live and who would die during this battle. I am sad to say that you and your family are not going to make it. Now I don’t want you to be scared because it is God’s will. I have been commissioned and called upon to take charge. The only way you can be saved is to get on board with the way I do things. You have got to make some changes or your doomed.” Well as you can imagine, I just sat there thinking to myself, should I laugh? Should I run? Should I be scared? Is he for real? I just kind of froze in disbelief for a minute and he asked me: “Do you believe God speaks to us?” I of course said, yes, I do. He said do you believe God spoke to me? Wellllllll…….. What the hell do you say to that? So, I said “I can’t confirm or dispute that because that is between you and God”. If you believe it then who am I to say otherwise? Of course, I am thinking to myself – it depends on what god you are talking about. Things began to spiral from there. I would wake in the middle of the night with him standing over me reaching as if he were going to strangle me and he would ask “Do you want me to just go ahead and kill you now and get it over with?” OR I would be sitting on the couch, and he would pick up his gun and point it to my head and ask, “Can I just go ahead and kill you?” I know what you are thinking, why didn’t I just run and never look back? But I was in complete survival mode. It was my house that I paid for, I was not about to just let him have everything. I went to the court system for help and that is when I really got an eye opener. There is no such thing as protection from the legal system. It truly is set up for the criminals. I’ll go back to where I told you he hired an attorney that represents child molesters and drug dealers and I know this to be a fact because they boasted of getting child molesters and drug dealers cleared on their website. Also, the particular attorney that represented him used to be a clerk for the Judge that presided over our case. The good ol boy system is alive and well in Paulding County, GA. Boy he did his homework. He hired someone who would take his side and have the judge eating out of his hand because of their relationship. During the course of this court battle I tried to tell my story, but the judge just kept shutting me down. I tried to tell them about the gun and about him asking me if he could kill me and the great commission from God. The judge asked him “Do you believe God spoke to you in an audible voice?” He said, “of course not”. The judge said why do you think we are here today? He said, “because my money has run out and she has kicked me out with nothing”. Y’all I just sat there in disbelief as my life was ripped out from under me. I could not believe what was happening. This man took everything, dishes, towels, cookware, toiletries, family pictures, Christmas decorations, my grandkids toys, band aids, tools, cars, motorcycles, things that we acquired together, things that we had agreed to split and things that I have had since my kids were little, he took everything. And to add salt to the wound 2 years after he finally left my house after me agreeing to give him 30 thousand dollars to go away in addition to the thousands of dollars he already took, that very Judge let him come back to my house – two years after – and go through and take pictures of what he said was his and let him take it again. For two years I spent money replacing the things he took, my family gave me things to replace the things he took, and the Judge let him come take it again. There was no justice. But, alas, there was a little thing called karma. Remember when I told you he took everything and hid it at his parents’ house in West Virgina? Well in 2016 there was a great flood in Rainelle, West Virgina. That flood took out the entire road that his parents lived on, it took the house, the garage, the trailer that housed my things he took and the cars and motorcycles. It is my understanding that he didn’t have anything insured. He lost everything. When you lie and cheat and steal, you lose in the end.

To back up a little, after the last time he came and took things from me again, and his kids disowned him because of accusations of abuse, he left the state. He moved to Montana to live on the land we had bought. He had gotten involved in a local small church and lived a life that he had never lived before. He had lost his kids, his grandkids and his marriage (for whatever that was worth). He told everyone that he was kicked out for no reason other than I was crazy and that I took everything and left him with nothing. Laughable right? So, I guess to convince people he was a victim he had to completely reinvent himself. He claimed to be such a Godly man that had lost everything. People felt sorry for him. They took him in and loved on him. They believed everything he said. He went on mission trips, he preached in churches, he gave testimonies. He played the role of a godly, caring human being. So, one day he was on a mission trip in Kenya, and he met a young woman with three kids. I don’t know the whole story of how this relationship blossomed, I only know that this was sooooooooo out of character for him. But I do know the perverse things that led him to a woman the age of his daughter. You remember when I said he was a prejudiced narcissist? This man would not allow my children to bring their black friends to our house and, he was always condemning his brother’s wife for having black friends. Y’all this man was vile about black people. And now he has married a black woman and is raising her three children. Then he had a child with her. I cannot fathom the life that this woman and her children has had before him and after him. He moved them from Kenya to Montana. They seemed happy but has he had time to really reveal his true colors? Does he control every single thing they do? Does he really love this woman? Does he really love her children? I do not know, nor do I care. I only feel sorry for them.

Now, the question is, do I believe that God can change people? ABSOLUTELY!!! Do I believe he changed? I have no idea. I only know what I hear him say and I only know what I see him do. If God had truly changed this man’s heart, wouldn’t he try to make things right with his children? Wouldn’t he confess to his lies? Wouldn’t he stop telling those same lies? You would think so. I would think so. But who am I? I am not his judge, I am just here telling my story. In the same way that you would think my ex sister in law would not continue to sit in church and pretend to be such a godly woman but also continue to teach her children to hate their father just because she does. This world is full of hate and injustice.

How do we hold each other accountable? The bible says:

Matthew 12:36-37 

I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.”

Hebrews 4:13 

And no creature is hidden from his sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give account.

Jeremiah 17:10 

“I the Lord search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds.”

Matthew 18:15-17 

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.

Every single one of us is going to die and stand before our father and be accountable for every single word and every single deed. That scares me. I want to do the right things, say the right things, but I don’t always. The difference in bearing fruit is this, when I do wrong, I feel bad and I repent, I ask God to forgive me, and I try to do it differently. Emphasis on try.

John 15:1-11 says this about bearing fruit:

I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit. Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you. Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not abide in me he is thrown away like a branch and withers; and the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned. If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples. As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.

I believe when people truly have God in their heart, they bear the fruit of God’s love. I also believe that when it is false love the fruit is rotten and their branches wither away. I don’t believe we can live a perfect life because we were born into sin. The world is full of sin. But hopefully we are doing the very best we can with what we have and that we are bearing the sweetest fruit possible. For we all have a day to die.

And as far as my ex goes, he died December 27th, 2021, a few months shy of his 60th birthday. I don’t know if he was truly saved or if he was pretending. My prayer is that his children and grandchildren have peace knowing he can’t hurt them anymore. My prayer is that his new wife and children will find their way in this world and come to realize that they really are better off without him. And for me? Well let’s just say I sleep a little better at night knowing I don’t ever have to worry about him ever again.

Peace, Love, and hugs Peaches!!!!!

Oh My Goodness!!!!! It has been a HOT minute since I have written anything or shared my heart with you lovely peaches. It has been a cuuuurrrraaaazzzzyyyy couples of years. We have suffered loss, heartache and sometimes our sanity. To say it has been hard navigating through the pain is such an understatement. I don’t even know where to begin so I am going to jump right in with both feet.

I would like to start by saying (and you know this about me) I LOVE GOD! I TRUST GOD! I know that everything works together for the good for those that LOVE the Lord. BUT let me tell you life is hard people! If you think for one minute that things come easy for those who are saved and are trying the best they can to live a good life, to be kind, to be helpful and giving, you are so wrong! Bad things happen to good people. Bad things happen to bad people. Bad things just happen because there is sin (the devil) in our world. There will always be bad things in this earthly realm. I know I have said that there are consequences to our actions and that we reap what we sow, but there is also just plain evil attacking in every way possible. Satan knows his time is short and he is trying to do as much damage as he can in the time he has left. So we have a decision to make. Do we lay down and wallow in our misery or do we praise Him in the fire?

Because we live in a fallen world, life does includes sorrow. When sin entered the human race, it brought death—physical death and spiritual death with all the accompanying ramifications. Death or loss of anything we value causes grief. However, God has a higher purpose for His people, and He is faithful to use our most painful times to mature us, to draw us into closer dependence on Him.

As for a lot of us the past couple of years has brought loss in ways we never could have imagined. Some have lost parents and children to death. Some have lost friends through death or divorce. Some have lost their health and have had to adjust to an entirely different lifestyle. Some have lost the companionship of friends because someone moves. Some have lost jobs/careers. Engagements have been broken. Friendships have been betrayed. These losses cause us to sorrow and to grieve, deeply affecting our emotions.

“Grief is a feeling of deep mental anguish caused by loss. It can be the loss of a loved one, loss of possessions, loss of a career, or some other life-changing loss. Grief can also be sorrow for something that someone has done or failed to do.”

Loss is devastating and it brings pain. Some people know how to express their feelings while others keep it all inside, but that does not mean that the pain is greater or less. God knows our hearts and our minds before we even speak it.

Speaking for me and my family, we have suffered loss in many of these areas and we are trying to push through life with a smile all the while our hearts are in a million pieces. Some people hide pain very well, while others wear it on their faces like a flashing billboard. I think I personally fall somewhere in between. I try to make sense of it all and try to be comforting to those around me but sometimes I just don’t know what to say or do. Sometimes I think we just need someone to be in the same room with no words spoken, sometimes we need a hug, sometimes we need to be able to talk about our pain with no judgement AND sometimes we just need to scream!!!!! What we don’t need is judgement from our friends and family members. Everyone deals with loss and grief in their own personal way and not one person can tell you the right way or the wrong way because it is just that, personal.

There are many people in the Bible who suffered loss and we can read about their struggles:

David was troubled and battled deep despair.

Elijah was discouraged, weary, and afraid.

Jonah was angry and wanted to run away.

Job suffered through great loss, devastation, and physical illness.

Moses was grieved over the sin of his people.

Jeremiah wrestled with great loneliness, feelings of defeat, and insecurity.

Even Jesus Himself was deeply anguished over what lay before Him.

The hope we have is in Jesus, the knowledge and comfort in knowing He has walked the path before us and with us, beside us. He was there in the good days and in the dark days too. He didn’t condemn them for their questions and pain. He didn’t tell them to just tough it out. He reached down to their deepest pit of suffering, and lifted them out. He cared. He showed compassion. He offered mercy. He brought hope. He instilled purpose. He gave victory. And He still works in the same way today. He will never waste the seasons of suffering we face, but will use it, in some way, to bring good, to instill purpose, to help others, and to make us stronger. 

Our world desperately need joy-givers, hope-bringers, those in our lives who will help us remember what real grace is and where lasting help is found.

The greatest truth is this, we have a Savior who understands our pain, who knows about every weakness and hurt, and reaches out with compassion and hope. 

“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Ps. 34:18

Go ahead and read that verse over and over and over again. HE loves us. Wouldn’t it be nice if we loved each other the same way? Wouldn’t it be nice if our family and our friends offered words of compassion and understanding instead judgement and condemnation?

Boy doesn’t it seem that when you are at your lowest and you think you can’t take anything else, low and behold someone who you thought had your back, who you thought was a loyal friend kicks you right in the gut? Why are some people so eager to take joy in other people’s loss? Why are some people so arrogant that they think they have the right to tell you how to feel, how to grieve, how to forgive, how to move on. Just one more lesson to teach us not to rely on humans but to put our trust in the Lord. He ALWAYS has our back. “Humans” will disappoint you every. single. time.

LORD, help me to love humans through the pain.

xoxoxoxo Love ya Peaches!!!!

Well Happy New Year Peaches!!!!

In one sense 2019 flew by so fast it’s almost a blur but January 1st is like a breath of fresh air in our minds, it’s like, OK lets start over! Sort of like Mondays, I know a lot of people dread Mondays but it is the beginning of a NEW week and we should treat it as a day to start something new. Renew our mindset and get out there. Be Fierce! Do Great Things! If we don’t renew our minds we can get stuck in a rut that we sometimes can’t pull ourselves out of. Always push forwards, set your sights on things ahead not the things that have already passed. You can’t go back, you can’t change it. Our mind is our biggest enemy.

It has been a while since I have written. I am sorry for that. My mind though, has been all over the place as I have dealt with the things thrown at me the past year. I found myself trucking right along taking care of all the needs around me and I sort of lost myself in the process. I was thinking of all the things we lose when we make changes in our lives. Good and Bad. I thought of lost relationships and how even though it was important to cut ties with those toxic people that we also lose the ones that are tied to them. Collateral Damage (injury inflicted on something other than the specific target). If you let it, the guilt of that will eat you alive. The overwhelming sadness of what you lost in the process can be debilitating.

How do you justify that? How do you overcome that?

First of all, when it comes to the relationship ties, you have to realize that the real choice is not yours. Toxic people will spew their lies to everyone who will listen and many will believe those lies. And although we want to control that, we simply can’t. As I have said before. You can not control what others think, say or do. It does hurt you deeply but you can’t let it rule you. It most cases the ones who believe the lies were not really your people in the first place. Those relationship ties were not strong enough to withstand the toxic storm. Let it go. You are not responsible for what other people think, say or do. That is totally on them and the collateral damage is their responsibility. And the good loss is far more rewarding.

I was recently talking to a family member and they revealed that someone who they thought was a lifelong friend had indeed spoken very badly of them. This supposed friend had spent many hours with our family. I’m talking years of friendship, holidays, sickness, health, laughter, births, deaths, you name it we went through it with each other. This was painful to hear. The supposed friend is no longer with us on earth. But the betrayal will linger.

I will tell you what I have learned over the years.

Toxic people are not motivated by what’s good for them or for their relationship with you. They’re motivated by their own problems and needs. When you give up the desire to change them, it’s much easier to let them go.

Part of removing toxic people from your life involves reducing their power over your emotions and that requires recognizing that they’re not really seeing you when they’re hurting you.

In truth, they’re projecting onto you the parts of themselves they don’t want to acknowledge or accept so that they can pour all their suppressed self-hatred into attacking you. See their cruel behavior for what it is: a way of avoiding the truth about themselves.

Instead of focusing on the sadness of loss in the severing process we MUST focus on the people in our lives that makes us feel safe, cherished and happy. Those are the relationships that matter, those are the relationships that will stand in the midst of the storms of life.

This past year has also brought loss in other ways. Loss of health. As I was busy caring for the needs of my loved ones I lost myself. I let my needs go. I endured physical pain and instead of getting help I pushed through because naturally other people needed me. I thought: what would they do without me? LOL well they would have managed and although they very much appreciated my care for them they would not have let me sacrifice myself had they known it. I pushed through until the pain was so unbearable that the road to recovery has been longer than necessary. I finally realized I need to take care of my self because: What would they do without me? I am important to those who love me.

And in that thinking it confirmed my decision on the severing of toxic relationships: what would they do without me? They would move on to the next victim because that is what they do. So, Peaches…..let them go. You can’t waste anymore time or energy on things that could have been. Don’t let your life suffer collateral damage because you didn’t do the things necessary to stay healthy and happy.

You are responsible for your thoughts, your words and your actions. Be kind, keep your thoughts on things that make you happy. Put your time and energy into the people that truly matter. And make sure you include yourself !!!!!

Make this year a year of self love. Find happiness in everything you do. Don’t be collateral damage.

Hugs and Kisses!

Ephesians 6:10–12 says, “Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” This text teaches some crucial truths: we can only stand strong in the Lord’s power, it is God’s armor that protects us, and our battle is ultimately against spiritual forces of evil in the world.

I was recently on vacation at the beach and as I spent my mornings drinking coffee, doing my daily devotions and praying, I had this overwhelming feeling that God was about to do something amazing.  As I looked out over the vast ocean, I couldn’t help but to think of how small I am in the grand scheme of things and how GREAT God is, I was also reminded of how far I have come and how many battles I have been through.  One morning as I was praying for a family member that had suffered a stroke and was in the hospital I looked up and God gave me the most beautiful rainbow and as I cried and thanked him for his promise he gave me a double rainbow. I was so overwhelmed with gratefulness.  Later in the day we were sitting on the beach and were talking about how Great God was for sending that confirmation when we were visited by a dragonfly. We were speaking of how a certain family member who had gone on to be with Jesus, loved dragonflies. I immediately said, that is her telling us everything is going to be ok. No sooner than I got that statement out of my mouth, about 15 dragonflies came from what seemed like right over the ocean and were swarming all around us. We began to weep and thank God for His blessings. I began to thank Him for all the things I have been through because they have made me who I am today. I also began to thank Him for my enemies and I felt that I needed to let them know how thankful I am for their part in my life so I decided to write them a letter.

Jeremiah 30:16 says,  For I will restore you to health And I will heal you of your wounds,’ declares the LORD, `Because they have called you an outcast, saying: “It is Zion; no one cares for her.” 

Dear “You Know Who You Are”,

I am writing this letter to let you know how grateful I am for your part in my life. You have helped make me a better person. I want to thank you for hating me so much that you have done everything in your power to try to destroy me. Thank you for telling me how unlovable I am and how unworthy I am. Thank you for trying to make me feel so useless and ugly. Thank you for telling me how fat I am. Thank you for telling me that I will never amount to anything. Thank you for trying to steal my joy and my faith. Thank you for pretending to be my friend. Thank you for betraying me. Thank you for trying to steal my success. Thank you for laughing at me. Thank you for degrading me. Thank you for trying to determine my worth. Thank you for talking about me behind my back. Thank you for spending so much time of your life worrying about mine. You have given me the strength to be better, to work harder, to trust people less and God more, to have more compassion for others, to love myself the way I am, to change the things I can, to realize that God’s opinion of me is the only one that matters. My worth is determined by who God says I am.  For He has created me in His own image. He formed me in the womb and He loved me before He knew me. He chose me. I am the apple of His eye. I am His beloved. I am no longer a slave, but a child and an heir. I am chosen, holy, and blameless before God. I have been predestined by God to obtain an inheritance. I have been blessed with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places. I have been justified and redeemed. In Christ Jesus, I have wisdom, righteousness, sanctification, and redemption. The peace of God guards my heart and mind. God supplies all my needs. I have been made complete in Christ. I have been sealed with the Holy Spirit of promise. I am a child of God. The power of God is on my side. If He is for me, who can be against me? None, no not one. Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they will be filled. Blessed are the merciful, for they shall be shown mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called the sons of God. Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed am I when people insult me, persecute me and falsely speak all kinds of evil against me. I will rejoice and be glad, because great is my reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before me.

I pray that whatever it is in your life that controls you and your thoughts will be loosed. I pray that you can come to an understanding of forgiveness for the ones who have hurt you. I pray that you will find peace in your life so that you can put all your thoughts and efforts into helping others instead of  trying to destroy them. I pray you can forgive yourself for whatever it is that binds you. Thank you for being a part of my journey in this life. I forgive you. I am blessed.

In His love,

Me

I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. I don’t believe there are any accidents. I have been guilty of saying, “I wish I had never met them”, “I wish I could go back and change that day”. But I have had to realize that they were a part of my journey, put in my life to teach me life lessons. I may never understand why but I do trust God and I do trust that He loves me and will always fight for me. Sometimes the most meaningful lessons are the hard ones. I am reminded of raising my children and letting them learn lessons by making mistakes and bad choices. Our heavenly Father allows the same in our lives. And I am not saying it is easy because it is not. I would much rather hate them and feel sorry for myself. I could spend all of my  time wishing for bad things to happen to them but that would be a total waste of my time and energy. They are going to get what is coming to them no doubt. I would rather spend my time enjoying life and being happy and I choose to release them from my thoughts so that I can think on good things. Lord don’t let me fill my thoughts with their poison. I am done. I am blessed. I am loved. God’s blessings are all around us. Take time look and to listen.

Hugs and Kisses Peaches! Blessings to you all.

Before you judge me or my choices, you have to walk a mile in my shoes. You have to read the whole book not just one chapter. Or better yet, don’t judge me at all! I am sure that there are people out there saying “What in the world is she thinking?” “Why is she airing her dirty laundry?”. Well, it’s like this…….I really don’t care what they think. Their thoughts are not my business – they are their problem. I am responsible for my thoughts. I am human, I don’t try to be something I am not. We all have thoughts and feelings that we keep private. We may have that one friend that we confide in but we mostly keep it to ourselves. But guess what? You can’t hide your heart from God. Whether you ever say it out loud or not He knows your every thought. I could care less how the world sees me as long as I stay true to myself. We all have different circumstances and we all make the best choices we can with what we have at the time.

I recently read a blog post titled “An Open Letter to the Christian Bad Girl”. I am not sure I agree with some of the statements made. But it did spark a question. What does it mean to be a bad girl? I ride a motorcycle. I have tattoos. I say cuss words. I enjoy an adult beverage from time to time. I have been married and divorced. Does that make me a bad girl? Some would say yes. I say, define bad. Have you ever looked up “bad” in the dictionary? Holy crap batman!!!!!

Let me start by saying “I love God my father”. I am a christian, I have been born again. I have a personal relationship with my Heavenly father and I converse with Him every day all day. But I don’t do “Church”, not in the conventional sense anyway.

I was saved when I was 12 years old in a little church called Spring Street Baptist. I have been involved in several churches in my lifetime and have crossed paths with many people. My children went to a Christian School where I worked part-time. I also served on staff as a youth director with my now ex-husband. I absolutely love the people I’ve met in church and still have relationships with some of them today. There are a few that I feel like if I called for help, they would be there in a hot minute with no questions asked. I have watched the kids that my kids grew up with turn into adults and have families of their own and I still feel like they are all my kids. I guess I said all that to say, I have a connection with people I have met in “church”. I love the memories I have of all the experiences and the relationships. BUT my experience with “christians” are not all good. There are also those who take complete solace in my demise. Oh yeah, I said it! Not all “christians” are Christ like. In fact there are those “christians” who are the first to kick you when you are down. And don’t even get me started on religion. That is a conversation for another day. I have some stories for that too. Any whoo….

So as it happens God led us to a church where we found ourselves under a Pastor that was very charismatic. He was a storyteller and very well liked, quite the charmer. And it just so happens we were on the staff at this church so we got to know the family very well. Too well.

I would like to preface this by saying I do understand that we are ALL human and that he was only a man. But this man had an impact on my life that would forever change me.

1 Timothy 3:1-3 It is a trustworthy statement: if any man aspires to the office of overseer, it is a fine work he desires to do. An overseer, then, must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, temperate, prudent, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not addicted to wine or pugnacious, but gentle, peaceable, free from the love of money.

Like I said he was very charismatic. Looking back now I see the deception. Satan was/is a charmer, the father of lies. He creeps in slowly until he has a grip on you that strangles every ounce of reason and good judgement. For those who never saw the evil side, I apologize for exposing you to it. I hope you continue to take the good that you received from him and his “ministry”. For those of you that saw the evil first hand, I know you will agree with me when I say, I am glad he is gone. Gone from my life and gone from this earth. Is that a terrible thing to say? He can no longer deceive and destroy. That’s a good thing, right? I mean God saw fit to take him so it was time for him to go.

The story I am about to tell you sounds a little like a fictional novel filled with deception, corruption and greed. The only thing is……. it’s not fiction. It is however, my opinion based on first hand knowledge of events that I experienced.

We met this man and his family when our church had experienced a split. Our attendance was a little down and we needed a new pastor and new leadership. He came in as an interim and lifted our spirits immediately. He was quite the story-teller. He had a talent for  relaying the scripture in a way so that you could relate it to your present day life. After a while we offered him a  position as our pastor. He turned it down because it was not enough money. Even though he had a full-time job and was a preacher part-time and even though we were a little low in membership, he had the opportunity to grow this church into a salary that suited his demands. I’m sorry, what???? The reason for turning down the offer was because he demanded a certain amount of money. Now I may be looking at this all wrong but isn’t a preacher supposed to go where the people need him? Where God leads him? Should money be a factor? There is a fine line there between faith and greed (in my opinion). So he ended up leaving and taking a church of a much smaller scale but  this little church had a celebrity and quite a few members that were very successful and all big tithers. They spoke his language. A little while later he called us to offer a position as the youth leaders. Now you have to understand that at the time we were still caught up in the deception so we were eager for a change and accepted the position. We met some of the best people in the world at this church, people who will forever be in our lives and in our hearts but this is also where we met the “man”.

Some time after we became members of the church and part of the staff we found ourselves in the middle of a situation. One of the members had accused him of rape and said that a pregnancy resulted in that rape. Now because she didn’t want her husband to know who the father was, she told him that a stranger in a parking lot attacked her and raped her and she became pregnant. They decided to get an abortion. She was so consumed with guilt over the whole thing she finally broke down and told us what happened. There was a meeting to discuss the details of the accusations and this person was in the hot seat. I must say looking back she was very strong to sit there on trial in front of her alleged attacker. We all asked questions and she gave details that were compelling. I walked away with the opinion that something probably did happen but I was not convinced, due to personal involvement with the accuser at the time of the alleged incident, that it was non-consensual. The result of this seemingly lack of belief on my part apparently gave them the notion that they had my support and loyalty. And at the time I guess it was true. So I became part of the tribe. I was in. We had very intimate conversations about things that were happening within the family and I saw that they had struggles just like every other family. I knew things. Things that I kept to myself. Because, who am I after all to pass judgement given all the things I had gone through. We are human and we do have struggles, real struggles. But I believe it is how you react in the midst of these struggles that reveal the true character of humans. In my opinion, this family did not pass the integrity test.

I’ve seen situations of betrayal, lies and viscious attacks on other humans. One situation in particular was the introduction of someone very close to me to their daughter. This was a very well planned attack. They begged me to introduce and I refused for the longest and then one day it happened. And lo an behold they went out and very soon after she became pregnant. They came to me scared to death and asked for my help. They wanted to get married. So I agreed to help them. I knew that the preachers daughter being pregnant out of wedlock was a very sensitive situation so we kept it quiet. I helped them pick out a ring so they could announce their engagement. They decided that they would buy a cubic circonium instead of a diamond becuase it was more cost effective. (I personally see nothing wrong with this – people do it all the time) They announced their engagement to the church and the “pastor” bragged and bragged on how beautiful the ring was. Well the daughter, for some reason felt guilty that she didn’t tell her parents that the ring wasn’t a real diamnond that she informed them of the fact. He (pastor) became enraged. He called me and cussed me out for helping them with this lie and deception. Did you hear what I said? My “pastor” called me and CUSSED me out. I mean that in a litteral sense. He cussed me. I was appalled, disappointed and down right disgusted at the attitude of this – they were more upset about the ring not being “real” than they were of her being pregnant. Well time went on the pregnancy came closer to full term and there was still no wedding. The couple fought a lot. I mean after all they barely knew each other. SO this person who was very close to me called me a lot for advice and I was there for him, I listened and I sympathized and I gave advice when asked. He was so distraught and didn’t know what to do. At this point I thought he needed to know all the facts so he could make a well informed decision. So I told him things I knew of this person. Personal things. And in the end he decided to marry her. The things I told him came back against me with a vengance.

So years went by and there were more children, and there were affairs and lies and deception on a scale that absolutely blows my mind. There was destruction of property there was false imprisonment and threats of things much worse. In fact he (pastor) swore to destroy this person close to me if it were the last thing he ever did. And he tried his very best to do so. Finally, five childern later there was a divorce. These children were kept from the father and his family and were told so many lies about the father and his family that those relationships are gone and may never be recovered. We have resigned ourselves to that fact.

These people were very cunning in that they would surround themselves with what we came to call “lap dogs”. They friended people in places of authority that would believe their lies and do their bidding. They surrounded themselves with people who were drawn in to the deception. You see this became a full on attack of my family and it was wide spread and it went on for years, in fact they are still trying to spew their poison on to us through other extended family members. They have moved from church to church taking money and ruining lives. He (pastor) is now gone but his family still carries on the tradition of using and abusing people. The daughter has now had six other husbands, some who I have personally spoken to, who sought us out to try to understand the nature of their deception. They have told me stories of drugs, alcohol abuse, theft, fraud, false imprisonment, sexual relationships with minors and child neglect and abuse. No one will stand up to them because they know too many people who can make their lives miserable so they walk away and try to recover from the destruction.  Many lives have been destroyed by this family. SO my question is this: How much good do you have to do to offset the bad? Yes he touched lives for good but he also destroyed lives for bad. He and his family have affected my life and my family in a way that may never be healed here on earth. So I keep my personal relationship with my heavenly father private. I don’t share it in a building with so called “christians”. I don’t put my trust in people that go to a building to pretend to be something they are not. That is not church. We are the church. Church is supposed to build each other up not tear each other down. If you belong to a church that is not filling you with the spirit of God then it is not a church.

I hated this man and his family for a long time. Yes I said HATE. You may say – you are a christian, you are not supposed to hate, you are supposed to love your neighbor. In a perfect world this is true. BUT this is far from a perfect world. We are in a war people. A spriritual war and we are fighting for our lives. I have fought and fought and fought but then I realized, I can’t fight THEM. I am fighting EVIL – they are EVIL.

We’re in a battle in this world. We may not see it, we might forget it’s there. But the enemy would love nothing more than to fill you with discouragement and defeat, bringing fear and stress. Don’t let him win.

If you’re a believer who is living like salt and light in a dark world, you won’t go for long without encountering spiritual warfare – obstacles and attacks he’ll hurl your direction. God reminds us in His word to stay aware of Satan’s schemes, to live alert in this world, and to stay close to Him.

He arms us with the sword, the Word of God, to stand against the enemy’s lies. He equips us with strength, wisdom, and discernment through His own Spirit to stay strong in the spiritual warfare battle. He invites us to spend time in His Presence, through prayer and worship, pressing in to know Him more.

As we grow to know God’s Truth and what is real, we also know more what is false, and we are stronger to stand against it in the powerful name of Jesus. He never leaves us to fend for ourselves in a dark world, but reminds us He is constantly with us, fighting for us, even when we cannot see.

Praying God’s words back to Him, is a powerful weapon against the forces of evil. It is Truth going out. It reminds us that God knows our way and understands what we face today. It builds our faith and our trust in God. It guards our hearts and focuses our minds back on Him. It wins the battle.

I had to move on, this could not control my life,  I had to let it go. The sadness of lost relationships with these children were all consuming but we have no control over it. I had to turn it all over to God. I recently listened to one of his sermons that is on a public website just to see if I would actually throw up at the sound of his voice. I didn’t, instead God spoke to me and said “You belong to Me, you do not belong to him”. This family is human and they will answer for their decisions. He (pastor) is gone from this earth – he is missing out on the relationships that he stripped from us. He is not there to defend his family, he is not here influencing people for evil deeds. He is gone – gone from my life. And in this I rejoice. I have peace. I have won this battle.

I believe God can use anyone and anything to get His message to the people. Even bad experiences. Every teachable moment in life, we have a choice to decide how it affects us. Stay in the scripture and have faith that you are not alone in this battle. Hugs and Kisses!

1. “Submit yourselves to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” James 4:7

2. “You are from God, little children, and have overcome them; because greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world.” 1 John 4:4

3. “For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” 2 Cor. 10:3-5

4. “Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith.” 1 Pet. 5:8-9

5. “No weapon that is formed against you will prosper; and every tongue that accuses you in judgment you will condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their vindication is from Me,” declares the Lord.” Is. 54:17

6. “Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.  Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.” Eph. 6:11-17

7. “In all these things, we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.” Rom. 8:37

8. “But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.” 1 Cor. 15:57

9. “Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit,’ says the Lord of hosts.” Zech. 4:6

10. “But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen you and protect you from the evil one.” 2 Thess. 3:3

11. “Behold, I have given you authority to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall hurt you.” Luke 10:19

12. “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” John 10:10

13. “Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven.” Matt. 18:18-19

14. “The Lord will cause your enemies who rise against you to be defeated before you. They shall come out against you one way and flee before you seven ways.” Deut. 28:7

15. “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

16. “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” 1 Cor. 10:13

17.  “And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:32

18. “Do not be overcome with evil, but overcome evil with good.” Rom. 12:21

19. “And they have conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, for they loved not their lives even unto death.” Rev.12:11

20. “Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses.” 1 Tim. 6:12

21. “,,,On this rock I will build my church, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it.” Matt. 16:18

22. “…the reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil’s work.” 1 John 3:8

23. “But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” Is. 40:31

24. “One of your men puts to flight a thousand, for the Lord your God is He who fights for you, just as He promised you.” Josh. 23:10

25. “Do not fear them, for the Lord your God is the one fighting for you.” Deut. 3:22

26. “What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us?” Rom. 8:31

27. “Through You we will push back our adversaries, through Your name we will trample down those who rise up against us.” Ps. 44:5

28. “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Josh. 1:9

29. “For You have girded me with strength for battle; You have subdued under me those who rose up against me.” Ps. 18:39

30. “He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust. Surely he will save you from the fowler’s snare and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart…” Ps. 91:1-4

31. “This is what the Lord says to you: ‘Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s.” 2 Chron. 20:15

I don’t think a lot of people realize the power they have to make things happen.  I was guilty of not believing that, but as I look back on the things I have done, I realize I am a lot bolder than I thought. I recently read a book that a sweet friend recommended called ‘In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day” by Mark Batterson. GREAT READ!!!! It talks about how to survive and thrive when opportunity roars. This book spoke right to my heart. It made me think about some of the choices I have made over my lifetime and although I thought I was weak and timid, it turns out that I am a risk taker.

I sometimes refer to my past as a whole lot of bad choices. BUT what I have come to realize is I also made a whole lot of Good choices. Bold choices. I have never been afraid to try new things. I believe that if you don’t try, you will never know.  It takes courage to step out on Faith and take a chance of failing. Sure you can go the easy route, the safe route and work hard for the rest of your life and live with regrets, and the “what ifs”. I would rather fail a thousand times than to never had tried at all. One of the greatest things that can happen to you is that your fears become a reality. I know! You’re thinking “are you crazy???”. Opportunities often times look like obstacles, so when you overcome those obstacles you have won a major battle. I am now grateful for all of the bad things that I have endured because they prepared me for the good things. I am now able to see all the good that came from the ugliness. Sometimes it’s not about changing our circumstances but rather, changing our perspective. That seems like a simple statement but it can sometimes mean the difference between life or death.  You see the circumstances you complain about can become the chains that imprison you. So while I can’t change what has happened to me I can change the way I view it. It made me who I am today and if you read my last post you know that I LOVE ME!!!!!! AND God loves me!!!

Now I want to talk about a man named Benaiah. Benaiah is one of those cool background characters that’s only mentioned a few times in the Bible, but whenever he shows up, he’s doing something incredible.

1. Benaiah was in charge of David’s guard

The President of the United States has the Secret Service, and David had a personal guard as well. Benaiah was honored among David’s mighty men, and so David puts him over the bodyguards (2 Sa 23:23).

And boy, did David need bodyguards. There’s always going to be someone who wants the king dead, but David had some high-profile enemies. For example, half the book of First Samuel is about king Saul hunting David down. Saul knows God plans to give the kingdom to David, so Saul tries to kill off the threat to his throne.

And even after Saul dies, Benaiah has his work cut out for him. David’s son Absalom tries to steal the kingdom, and for a while David is on the run again.

But David lives. Benaiah does his job well.

2. Benaiah commands David’s mercenary forces

He didn’t oversee the Hebrew army (that was Joab’s job), but Benaiah did oversee the Cherethites and Pelethites: some nonJewish mercenary forces who fought for David.

Benaiah does, however, take a one-month shift once a year as the leader of David’s army (1 Ch 27:5–6).

3. Benaiah’s father is a priest

Jehoida was a leader among the priests, and had rallied 3,700 men to support David when he was crowned at Hebron (1 Ch 12:21). This means Benaiah is from the tribe of Levi, and a descendant of Aaron, the first high priest of Israel.

4. Benaiah’s grandfather was a valiant man, too

The authors of both Samuel and Chronicles tell us that Benaiah’s grandfather was a valiant man from the town of Kabzeel (2 Sa 23:20; 1 Ch 11:22). We don’t know anything else about him, though.

5. Benaiah killed a lion in a pit on a snowy day

That’s the part everyone remembers about Benaiah (2 Sa 23:20; 1 Ch 11:22), but there’s more to it than that. Right before telling us about the lion, the authors tell us something else Benaiah did …

6. Benaiah killed two Moabite heroes (Ariel)

Here’s where we miss some of the cool wordplay in the Bible. Our English versions will say something like, “he killed the two sons of Ariel of Moab” (2 Sa 23:20). That makes us think, “Oh, yeah. Some guy named Ariel had two sons, and Benaiah killed them.”

But OT scholars are still divided on what “sons of Ariel” means. The word Ariel is very similar to the Hebrew word for “lion,” aryeh. The KJV even translates Ariel as “lionlike men.”

If the word is related to lions, then that makes the passage about Benaiah even more epic: “Benaiah was a mighty man. He killed two heroes that were as strong and brave as lions. Also, the dude killed an actual lion.”

7. Benaiah killed an Egyptian giant

David killed Goliath, but he’s not the only giant slayer in the group. Benaiah kills a pretty tall Egyptian—five cubits, or about seven feet tall (1 Ch 11:23).

And he does it in a pretty impressive way, too. The Egyptian has an enormous spear (weaver’s beam–sized), and Benaiah has nothing but a little club. But no worries: Benaiah just snatches the spear from the Egyptian and kills him with that instead.

That’s hardcore.

8. Benaiah makes Solomon king

David had sworn that his son Solomon would be king in his place, but not everyone is rooting for Solomon.

In fact, one of Solomon’s good-looking half-brothers , Adonijah, declares himself king … while David is still alive. Of course, Adonijah is out of line.

Benaiah, however, is loyal to David, and fully backs Solomon (1 Ki 1:36–37). His mercenary army parades Solomon to his coronation (1 Ki 1:38–40). And Benaiah is the one who kills off the men who oppose Solomon (1 Ki 2:24–25, 34, 46), including David’s treacherous army commander Joab.

9. Benaiah becomes Solomon’s general

Having secured the throne for Solomon, Benaiah receives a place of even higher honor in the kingdom. Solomon gives Benaiah Joab’s old position: commander of the king’s army (1 Ki 2:35, 4:4).

Although Benaiah was a great warrior and had many feats. The most talked about was killing the lion in a pit on a snowy day.  The significance of this is “facing your fears”. I firmly believe that there are no coincidences. I believe that EVERYTHING happens for a reason. Sometimes we think we were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Sometimes we beat ourselves up for ending up in those circumstances but guess what? There are no accidents. We all have a path to follow and a journey to take. We may take a few side roads but we eventually get there. So when you find yourself in a difficult situation you have two choices. You can turn and run away from the lion or you can chase the lion. Most of the time we are chasing the lion and we don’t even realize it. Some examples of lion chasing skills are:

Defying odds

Facing fears

Reframing problems

Embracing uncertainty

Taking risks

Seizing opportunities

Looking foolish

I don’t know about you but at some point in my life I have had to face every single one of these. I never really had anyone point them out to such a degree that made me look at them as skills. But after reading about Benaiah I realized that I have survival skills. Now I may not have chosen to be so bold had I not been in the situations I found myself in. I always said that I was forced to survive in a bad situation. But I had a choice. To run from the lion or chase the lion. As I read the words I began to feel excited and I began to look at myself in a whole new light. I knew that I had overcome but I now know that I made the choice to overcome and that in itself is a great feeling. Lion chasers thrive in the toughest circumstances because they know that impossible odds set the stage for amazing miracles. Did you hear me? Lion chasers thrive in the toughest circumstances because they know that impossible odds set the stage for amazing miracles. I could just leave that right there and be done. This is EXCITING!!!!! This is my life!!!!!!

Does your life reflect any situations that required you to make the choice to run from the lion or to chase the lion? Do you face fears in life? Let me answer that for you – YES YES YES. Everyone has fears, though it be small fears or large fears it still grips every part of your being and is at times debilitating. I can remember cowering in the corner over the smallest of situations that required confrontation of any kind. I can remember crying out to God to remove me from the situation so that I would not have to face my demons. And as you know, He never removed me. He did however equip me with the skills to chase that lion into that pit and kill it. (so to speak)

*******You will look back longingly on risks not taken, opportunities not seized, and dreams not pursued. Stop running away from what scares you most and start chasing the God-ordained opportunities that cross your path. In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day is inspired by one of the most obscure yet courageous acts recorded in Scripture, a blessed and audacious act that left no regrets: “Benaiah chased a lion down into a pit. Then, despite the snow and slippery ground, he caught the lion and killed it” (2 Samuel 23:20 -21).

Hugs and kisses.

Everyone says that little girls need love and acceptance from their daddy in order to love and accept themselves. Yeah I missed out on that experience. A daddy is supposed to protect and cherish his little girl. I didn’t have that either. I grew up in fear and self-doubt. I searched for acceptance in other places only to find betrayal and abuse. To say that I have overcome my childhood is a gross understatement. I would like to think that I am doing ok all things considered. Although some may disagree lol.

We all grow up hearing fairy tales about princes rescuing damsels in distress and living happily ever after. What a lie straight from hell!!!! There are so many things that are wrong with these stories. I wanted to be rescued from the hell I lived in. I wanted someone to rush in on a white horse and take me away from it all. That. Never. Happened.

I grew up with the understanding that even though people treat you like shit, you learn to eat it and you say thank you in the process. Wait! What? I had such little respect for myself that I allowed people to say what they wanted, take what they wanted and treat me the way they wanted.  This included family, in fact I never even considered walking away from family members because, well, they are family. Do you know what the definition of family is? FAMILY: A group of people related to each other.  That’s it. The definition of friend is far more meaningful. FRIEND: A person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard. So you CAN be family and be friends but not all families are friends. I thought just because we were family that I had to accept their behaviour and be happy with it. I don’t. I had an “Aha” moment when I realized that even though I had made excuses for bad behaviour all their lives and had accepted that they are who they are because of their past, that they are in fact responsible for their actions. You can be taught bad behaviour as a child but when you become an adult you make a conscious decision to continue that bad behaviour. You become responsible for your actions but, I can choose to no longer accept that behavior.  I am responsible for my own behaviour and my own actions sooooo I decided to start eliminating negative things from my life. I am responsible for my own happiness and if your behaviour makes me feel like shit, guess what? Now I know that not all families get along all the time, and I know that we should forgive one another and love one another. I am not talking about that. I am talking about a person who absolutely takes joy in your sorrows. I am talking about a person who judges you and can’t wait to tell others all about your mistakes and hard times. A person who can’t wait to say something to hurt your feelings. A person who can’t wait to tell you “no” when you ask for help. A person who kicks you when you are down and takes pure joy in it. A person who always plays the victim even when they have done wrong. They absolutely refuse to take responsibility for their part in any situation. You have watched and listened to them talk about others over the years to such a degree of judgement and loathing only to turn around and pretend they are their best friend and they just don’t know what they would do without them. It is sickening and I simply don’t have time for it. And to all the people who believe their lies, you better watch your back because chances are they are talking about you too. Anyway, enough of that negative crap!!!! 

For some reason I had to live the journey that was laid before me. I survived. I had hard lessons and struggles but I overcame them.  I looked for love in all the wrong places only to realize that love had to come from within. I had to learn to love myself before anyone would find me lovable. I made bad choices but I learned from them.  I wanted to be accepted by other people yet I didn’t accept myself. I learned that if you want to change your circumstances you have to get off your arse and make it happen. So I began eliminating all the bullshit in my life.  Everything from material possessions to people. It has been tough but freeing at the same time.

So as I made the choice to remove negative things and people from my life I had to take a long look at myself. I had to remove the negative things that I was doing. I had to stop talking bad about myself. “I hate my body”, ‘I hate my job”, “I hate my life”. I hate, I hate, I hate. Stop that!!!! If there are things you don’t like – you have the power to change them. You don’t like the way you look in those jeans? Go to the gym. Stop eating cake everyday. Make changes. You don’t like your job? Get a new one. Go back to school. Change your career choices. You have the power.  I was in debt up to my eyeballs. I hated my job. I felt bad all the time because I was not taking care of myself. I pushed and pushed and pushed but not towards things that made a difference. I had the best intentions. I want to do this, no wait I want to do this, Oh wait, what about this. I dipped my toes in a lot of different areas and I was not doing any justice to any of them. So I had to eliminate a lot of things. I took a class, left my job, closed a business and sold my house to pay off all my debt. I needed to start fresh. I needed to make better choices, smart choices. It was a little scary making a drastic career change at this point in my life but I stepped out on faith and God has been faithful to provide every step of the way. I absolutely LOVE what I do and I love my children, I love my grandchildren, I love my friends, I love my family and guess what? I LOVE ME!!!!

Sometimes you just have to stop over thinking and over analyzing things and just be in the moment. Take a look at where you were and where you are now and realize sometimes it doesn’t matter why or how, it just matters that you are here. Learn from your mistakes, make better choices and just breathe. Be the best version of you that you can and love love love.

Hugs and Kisses Peaches!!!!

Hey Peaches!!! Can you believe it is July????? Where has the time gone? It has been a crazy busy year so far and I have noticed that I have been so busy being busy that I have not had time for nurturing my friendship/relationships. So it got me thinking…….what kind of friend am I? I think about my friends often but I don’t often reach out. I have been a little sad lately because I feel like other people have friendships that I don’t experience. Is this because I have trust issues??? Is it because I am too busy??? Is it because I have given up on finding a true friend???? Is it because I don’t put myself out there??? Most of my friendships have ended because of betrayal. Let’s back up for a minute and look at that statement a little closer.

Friendship/Friend…………..what does that mean really? A friend is one who knows us BUT loves us anyway. Not AND loves us anyway. BUT loves us anyway because none of us are perfect and none of us do the right thing ALL the time. I may not agree with everything my friends do but I try not to judge them because everyone has their own journey in life and we all have our own struggles to deal with. Friendship requires a little thing called loyalty. I expect loyalty in a friendship/relationship because I am loyal. Not perfect – but loyal.

Acceptance……….Everyone wants be accepted for who they are. You shouldn’t have to change to make someone like you. I may not LIKE everything you do but that’s ok. I LIKE you. I want to be myself and if you like me fine – if you don’t fine. But don’t pretend you do like me and gain my trust and then talk about me behind my back.

Forgiveness……..I can forgive you for your betrayal but I won’t ever be able to trust you again. So don’t expect me to put myself in that position again. We can be friendly but we are not friends. The real word for that is acquaintances.

Acquaintances…..a person one knows slightly, but who is not a close friend.  If you have betrayed me by talking about me behind my back. By telling my deepest darkest secrets that I told you in confidence.  By spreading rumors that are not true. By judging me or my actions by talking to others about me while I am not there to defend myself or to tell the WHOLE story – not just your version of it. We are not friends. We are acquaintances.

Lost Friendships………..were they ever true friends in the first place? I say NO they were/are not.

My opinion is that life is too damn short to waste your time on people who don’t give a damn about you. Oh they pretend they do. They take and take and take and they expect more and more and more but are not willing to GIVE anything in return. Love and friendship are a two-way street. I will give you the shirt off my back if you need it. I will give you ten thousand shirts if you need them. But if you are not willing to give me a shirt when I need it. We are not friends. Think about it like this…….

“Sally and Tom were friends. Tom had hit some rough patches in his life and he struggled with keeping a job. Sally loved him and tried to encourage him to keep pushing forward and tried to assure him that with hard work and perseverance he would come out on top of his situation. Every time Tom hit a roadblock he asked Sally for help. Sally dropped everything and came to Tom’s rescue every time he asked. One day Sally asked for Tom’s help with a situation that she had and fully expected Tom to jump at the chance to help her. However Tom was too busy. He said “I’ll get to it when I can.” He never called. Sally asked again and again and again. Tom finally came to Sally’s rescue and threw her a bone. Tom was so proud of himself for helping Sally that he thought she should do something for him in return. Sally appreciated what Tom had done to help her and rewarded his efforts.  This scenario went on for years until one day Sally needed a favor, she asked Tom to help her out. Tom agreed to help Sally and Sally trusted that he would keep his word. Sally found out that Tom did not keep his word. He betrayed her.  Sally realized that Tom simply did not care for her or their friendship the way she did. Sally walked away.”

I’ve always heard it said that you can count your true friends on one hand. That you only have a few loyal friends in a lifetime. Sadly I am finding this to be true. I want a friend that doesn’t jump at the chance to broadcast my struggles to everyone who will listen. I want a friend that will cry with me and scream with me and pray with me.  I want a friend to share deepest darkest secrets with and not judge or be judged. I want a friend that is willing to do for me as much as I am willing to do for them. I want a friend that understands we are not perfect BUT we love each other anyway. I want a friend that is willing to get down in that gutter with me and fight our way out. I want a friend that expects me to be exactly what I am HUMAN. We are all human and we all want to be loved and we all want to be accepted. We all want loyalty. We all have to be loyal. Don’t stay in a relationship that does not fulfill both parties. Move on. Find your tribe. There are millions of people in the world and there is one person out there that will love you for who you are. Don’t give up. You are a lovable person and if you are willing to put yourself out there it will happen. But know this………to find a friend you have to be a friend. What kind of relationships do you have? Friendships or Acquaintances?

The struggle is real Peaches!!! Keep moving forward and reach out if you need me.

Hey Peaches!

If you read my last post you will understand what I’m about to say (If you didn’t – you may want to read it first). I wanted to elaborate more on the Justice System (or Injustice System as I call it).

I know that I am not the only one that has been betrayed by the IS. I used to work for Attorneys so I am very well aware of how they manipulate the legal system. And I am very well aware of the “Good Ol Boy System”. In my case I was living in a County that adhered to this way of injustice.

The Ugly Monster that lived in the house with me was very smart and very manipulative. He had an incredibly benign way of making people believe “his truth”. Because a Narcissist absolutely lives his lie to the fullest extent of their imagination. Our life outside the home, in public was completely the opposite of what was happening behind closed doors. I was oblivious to the lies and manipulation until years into the relationship and it became crystal clear near the end and after the escape from the evil stronghold I was under.

He searched out an attorney that was deeply connected in the “Good Ol Boy System”. He found one that actually used to be the clerk for the Judge in our case. He proceeded to tell his lies to this attorney and because of the relationship he had with the Judge, he convinced the Judge that his client was the injured party and I was the evil wife who was trying to destroy a “good” man. I became the enemy and they were determined that I was going to pay for trying to destroy this man. I tried to tell my side of the story only to be silenced at every turn. I was never allowed to speak a full sentence. I was laughed at by the Judge when I tried to tell him how I had been violated. Did you read that? The Judge actually laughed out loud when I told him I had been violated. I was appalled at the behaviour of this man. I know the attorney was doing his job of defending his client but the extremes they went to were unbelievable. I know the history of events I “tried” to tell were extreme and a little unbelievable because the mental state of the monster was way out there and the things he was doing and saying were right out of a fictional horror story.  I truly felt as if I was living in a lifetime movie. I was bullied by these three men and this corrupt system. The way this “Judge”  who was supposed to be unbiased and who was supposed to listen to the facts before forming an opinion, who was in a position to change lives,  who has had years of experience on the bench listening to facts and evidence betrayed the Judicial System was absolutely sickening. There were witnesses, taped conversations and numerous police reports to prove that my nightmare was real but witnesses were threatened, scared and refused to testify. The disturbing taped conversations were explained away as if they were a joke. The nightmare continued. It became painfully clear that I was not going to win this battle. This earthly battle. I was powerless. I lost a lot. I lost a lot of money, friends, land, many “things” that I had worked very hard for over many years. BUT I did not lose my life or my family, which had been threatened. I lived my life in a constant state of prayer. Praying for protection and deliverance.  The legal battle went on for several years. The nightmares and constant looking over my shoulder went on for years. But God was faithful and His protection was and is powerful.

I finally broke free from the monster and was able to move on with my life and I am grateful for that life. I am sure you are wondering what happened to the Judge and the Attorney.  I knew that I was not going to be able to change the System. It is broken and has been broken for a long time. It is corrupt and has been corrupt for a long time. It would take years of campaigning to makes changes and I simply did not have the resources, energy nor the time to dedicate my life to that cause. I knew that only God could change things. I prayed and prayed and prayed and I asked for others to pray with me. Let me tell you a story about the walls of Jericho.

First, there is a vast difference between God’s way and the way of man (Isaiah 55:8–9). Though militarily it was irrational to assault Jericho in the manner it was done, we must never question God’s purpose or instructions. We must have faith that God is who He says He is and will do what He says He will do (Hebrews 10:23; 11:1).

Second, the power of God is supernatural, beyond our comprehension (Psalm 18:13–15; Daniel 4:35; Job 38:4–6). The walls of Jericho fell, and they fell instantly. The walls collapsed by the sheer power of God.

Third, there is an uncompromising relationship between the grace of God and our faith and obedience to Him. Scripture says, “By faith the walls of Jericho fell, after the people had marched around them for seven days” (Hebrews 11:30). Although their faith had frequently failed in the past, in this instance the children of Israel believed and trusted God and His promises. As they were saved by faith, so we are today saved by faith (Romans 5:1; John 3:16–18). Yet faith must be evidenced by obedience. The children of Israel had faith, they obeyed, and the walls of Jericho fell “by faith” after they were circled for seven straight days. Saving faith impels us to obey God (Matthew 7:24–29; Hebrews 5:8–9; 1 John 2:3–5).

I am here to tell you that prayer works. My faith in God is unwavering and I believe that miracles still happen every day. By this time I had met the man in my life and his faith is parallel to mine. He suggested that I march around the courthouse and pray for the “walls” to fall. So we marched. We marched around that courthouse seven times and prayed! God showed up and He showed up BIG!!! Listen to this…….

The night before we were scheduled for court, the biggest ice storm that this State has seen since the 90’s hit. Court was cancelled. I did not have to face this monster again for the umpteenth time. Shortly after that the Judge was caught in an illegal act of  coercion and was removed from the bench. The attorney no longer had an “in” in the court system. He could no longer successfully defend murderers, child molesters and drug dealers without the Judge in his pocket so he changed the area of law he practiced. He went into Election Campaign and Political Law. THE WALL OF JERICHO FELL!!!!!

If you have a Wall in your life. PRAY!!!! BELIEVE!!!! If you would like for me to pray with you please reach out to me. I will believe and pray with you and for you. God is alive and real and is still in the miracle business. He loves us and wants us to have faith in Him.

Hugs and kisses!