Jealousy is an ugly monster. Have you ever been in a relationship with someone who is jealous? Have you ever been jealous?

James 3:14-16 says,

But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice.

Jealousy sparks the most vile actions and reactions. I’ve heard people say “I can tell that they love me so much because when I talk to someone else they get so jealous”. Or “I must be doing something right because they are so jealous of me”. Trust me, jealousy is not a form of love. It is not flattering in any way. And here is the real truth – it has nothing to do with you but everything to do with them. Jealousy is actually the result of low self-esteem and/or insecurities. It results in toxic relationships. It involves that sense of entitlement to control. Jealousy can make people do some crazy things. Jealousy is not an emotion that should be embraced as a sign that strong love exists. In fact, it’s the opposite; jealousy comes from a perspective of self-preservation, not love towards others.  There is also Envy – do not confuse jealousy with envy. Envy happens when you want something that someone else is experiencing or you get a wishful feeling inside, like you want what they have. But this feeling does not necessarily lead to jealousy, you see; you can be envious of somebody’s situation. Jealousy says “I want what you have, and until I have it, you shouldn’t have it either.” Is there jealousy in your relationship? If so, RUN!!!!!

It started with compliments then, subtle possession then, total control. Living with a jealous narcissist is pure HELL!!!!! Once I realized the chains that held me I started to do a little research, because I didn’t want to accept that this was a normal relationship. I was tired of making excuses for this behaviour. Why was this happening? What did I do to attract this in my life. Simply walking away was not working because they would not let me go. I  began researching personality disorders based on the actions and statements made by this person who claimed to love me more than life it itself. At first I thought is was bi-polar disorder. It fit the actions, the behaviour, the personality and even the relationship. The statistics said that 75 percent of men go undiagnosed with this disorder, I found that disturbing. The more I dug the more I was convinced this was the case because the events in my life were straight out of a lifetime movie. I began to understand why people snap and do crazy things. There are several disorders that had similar symptoms/traits, so without an actual diagnosis there was no way of knowing what I was dealing with. Then I stumbled on an article on Narcissistic Behaviour. The heavens opened up, light shined down and the angels sang!!!!!! There it was in black and white, the ugly truth. I was living with a NARCISSIST.

Now, how the hell do I get away???? I know, I know, just walk away, right? WRONG. You can’t just walk away because you see , to them, you are their possession. They don’ just accept the fact that you don’t want to be with them anymore so they develop a story in their mind that you must have someone else and that triggers the jealousy and then the control.

Narcissistic behavior can be labeled as borderline, sociopathic, narcissistic, or just intolerable, but it all derives from one fundamental driving force: narcissists can’t tolerate criticism, especially public criticism. And divorcing them is about the most direct and public criticism you can make. You’ll know you’re there when your soon-to-be ex spouse begins a campaign of destruction against you. And if you don’t know how to respond and deal with it, it can take a terrible toll. They are very skillful in deflecting guilt and craziness. Mine began a campaign against me that affected many relationships in my life. And you know I struggled with that because I was still trying to get past the caring what others thought of me stage in my life. I wanted to call every single person we knew as a couple to try to defend myself but, I realized that only made me look guilty. I lost people who I thought were friends. Disordered people aren’t just hurtful. They also spin our reality to make theirs less painful. They project their problems onto us, and blame us for what they do. After a while it becomes hard to distinguish what is real from what is being projected and what is being distorted. We begin to doubt our reality and question whether we’re the crazy ones. What’s more, disordered people hide their problems very effectively, concealing their disease from most people, causing us further confusion. This was my reality.

I tried to break free. I tried to get the local authorities involved because it was THAT serious. There were serious threats made and I believed them. I did get a Judge to agree to a protection order. BUT the judicial system is not set up to protect victims. It is set up to protect the predators. He was so good at what he did that in the end no one in the system believed me. I was determined that I was not going to be a victim. I was determined that I was going to break free from this stronghold and live my life in freedom. I pressed on. I took precautions to protect myself and was ready to defend myself at all costs. After a long series of very scary events and my persistence he finally lost interest and moved on. THANK GOD! I know there are a lot of situations like mine that do not end well. And I understand why. I am very grateful mine finally ended and I am living. Seriously, I am alive. I have to be honest though, I still look over my shoulder, not because I am scared but because I am cautious. I still make sure I know where and what he is doing. Not because I care but because I will not be taken by surprise, I WILL NOT BE A VICTIM!!!!!

If you think you are in a Narcissistic relationship, please get help. You can’t do it on your own. Surround yourself with a support system because you will need it. If you need someone to talk to – please reach out to me. Hugs and kisses!!!