Hey Peaches!!! Can you believe it is July????? Where has the time gone? It has been a crazy busy year so far and I have noticed that I have been so busy being busy that I have not had time for nurturing my friendship/relationships. So it got me thinking…….what kind of friend am I? I think about my friends often but I don’t often reach out. I have been a little sad lately because I feel like other people have friendships that I don’t experience. Is this because I have trust issues??? Is it because I am too busy??? Is it because I have given up on finding a true friend???? Is it because I don’t put myself out there??? Most of my friendships have ended because of betrayal. Let’s back up for a minute and look at that statement a little closer.

Friendship/Friend…………..what does that mean really? A friend is one who knows us BUT loves us anyway. Not AND loves us anyway. BUT loves us anyway because none of us are perfect and none of us do the right thing ALL the time. I may not agree with everything my friends do but I try not to judge them because everyone has their own journey in life and we all have our own struggles to deal with. Friendship requires a little thing called loyalty. I expect loyalty in a friendship/relationship because I am loyal. Not perfect – but loyal.

Acceptance……….Everyone wants be accepted for who they are. You shouldn’t have to change to make someone like you. I may not LIKE everything you do but that’s ok. I LIKE you. I want to be myself and if you like me fine – if you don’t fine. But don’t pretend you do like me and gain my trust and then talk about me behind my back.

Forgiveness……..I can forgive you for your betrayal but I won’t ever be able to trust you again. So don’t expect me to put myself in that position again. We can be friendly but we are not friends. The real word for that is acquaintances.

Acquaintances…..a person one knows slightly, but who is not a close friend.  If you have betrayed me by talking about me behind my back. By telling my deepest darkest secrets that I told you in confidence.  By spreading rumors that are not true. By judging me or my actions by talking to others about me while I am not there to defend myself or to tell the WHOLE story – not just your version of it. We are not friends. We are acquaintances.

Lost Friendships………..were they ever true friends in the first place? I say NO they were/are not.

My opinion is that life is too damn short to waste your time on people who don’t give a damn about you. Oh they pretend they do. They take and take and take and they expect more and more and more but are not willing to GIVE anything in return. Love and friendship are a two-way street. I will give you the shirt off my back if you need it. I will give you ten thousand shirts if you need them. But if you are not willing to give me a shirt when I need it. We are not friends. Think about it like this…….

“Sally and Tom were friends. Tom had hit some rough patches in his life and he struggled with keeping a job. Sally loved him and tried to encourage him to keep pushing forward and tried to assure him that with hard work and perseverance he would come out on top of his situation. Every time Tom hit a roadblock he asked Sally for help. Sally dropped everything and came to Tom’s rescue every time he asked. One day Sally asked for Tom’s help with a situation that she had and fully expected Tom to jump at the chance to help her. However Tom was too busy. He said “I’ll get to it when I can.” He never called. Sally asked again and again and again. Tom finally came to Sally’s rescue and threw her a bone. Tom was so proud of himself for helping Sally that he thought she should do something for him in return. Sally appreciated what Tom had done to help her and rewarded his efforts.  This scenario went on for years until one day Sally needed a favor, she asked Tom to help her out. Tom agreed to help Sally and Sally trusted that he would keep his word. Sally found out that Tom did not keep his word. He betrayed her.  Sally realized that Tom simply did not care for her or their friendship the way she did. Sally walked away.”

I’ve always heard it said that you can count your true friends on one hand. That you only have a few loyal friends in a lifetime. Sadly I am finding this to be true. I want a friend that doesn’t jump at the chance to broadcast my struggles to everyone who will listen. I want a friend that will cry with me and scream with me and pray with me.  I want a friend to share deepest darkest secrets with and not judge or be judged. I want a friend that is willing to do for me as much as I am willing to do for them. I want a friend that understands we are not perfect BUT we love each other anyway. I want a friend that is willing to get down in that gutter with me and fight our way out. I want a friend that expects me to be exactly what I am HUMAN. We are all human and we all want to be loved and we all want to be accepted. We all want loyalty. We all have to be loyal. Don’t stay in a relationship that does not fulfill both parties. Move on. Find your tribe. There are millions of people in the world and there is one person out there that will love you for who you are. Don’t give up. You are a lovable person and if you are willing to put yourself out there it will happen. But know this………to find a friend you have to be a friend. What kind of relationships do you have? Friendships or Acquaintances?

The struggle is real Peaches!!! Keep moving forward and reach out if you need me.